Wow is my bf a douche or am i just insane?

I tend to find that whenever a guy implies that he wants a break, it's never a good sign. And judging from the information you've provided, it doesn't sound like he's interested. It sounds like he's just keeping you around until something better comes along. Now I know you love him and it's never easy, but personally, I think you'd be better off without him as it sounds like you're the only one putting in the effort here. It will hurt like hell to let him go, but time is a definitive healer my dear and you "will" pick yourself up and you "will" find someone much better. If you stay with him, this doubt and grief will grow and sometimes it takes taking the lesser of two evils in order to find that silver lining. Good luck, my dear.